I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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