tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
