So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize