i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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