I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize