whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
