id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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