No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
