I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
how drunk are you?
Several
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
