He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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