its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
