i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
