I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
