To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize