Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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