guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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