singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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