trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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