dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
