Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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