Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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