This girl is more easily done than said...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize