It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
