We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
