just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
