my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dear god my vagina.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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