My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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