where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
