I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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