I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He shit in the fireplace
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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