I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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