apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
