I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
