A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
