I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
