I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
