i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
