there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
