it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
