Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I lost the right to judge tonight
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize