Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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