We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
