I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
