we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
