I'm lost and stupid without you.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Randomize
