I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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