it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just pee around me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
