we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
