I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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