dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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