No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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