Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
