let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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