i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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