I have demons in me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
