you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
