this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
