my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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