She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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