he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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