Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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