so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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