i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
