Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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