You smell like a Billy Joel song
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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